i have hated summers my whole life.
i’ve always chalked it up to the obvious – “i guess i have a hard time handling the heat”
but recently i read something that clarified everything for me.
they said something to this effect:
during the winter, everything is dreary and everyone is miserable and you don’t feel so out of place.
but everyone is outside having fun during the summer. you are exposed to so many peoples’ unfettered happiness. and it reminds you of everything you don’t have. everyone is laughing, smiling, happy, eating ice cream and happy, or riding a motorcycle and happy, or just sitting on their porch happily sipping a cold drink. and you just think, fuck you and your stupid happiness. fuck the couples in love, smiling at each other. fuck that woman and her beatific smile. fuck the peaceful and contented baby she is holding. fuck everyone who is happy and enjoying the beautiful weather. why do you get to be happy?
summer reminds me that i am not like everyone else.